Reformed Church Marketing
If you're looking for a church where you'll feel comfortable? This ain't it!
Consider attending a church where you won't feel judged by other people. God, on the other hand...
Ever feel like you just can't do ANYTHING right? Come find out why.
What's wrong with tithing? It's a 90% off sale!
We can show you how to achieve incomparable health, wealth, and happiness. You'll just have to die first.
At our church, God-willing, executions performed weekly.
Now, effectiveness aside, is there anything theologically or even ecumenically wrong with any of these statements about the church? And, note, I'm actually asking. There may be. It's quite often that my wit out-runs my senses.